So, anybody who knows me knows that I am the Queen of not reading into the signs and signals that a man sends you when ya’ll are talking on the phone, chillin’, courting, getting to know one another or already in a relationship. I believe that men are simple – and that they literally mean everything that they do and say. However, (insert pinky finger to corner of lips now) there are exceptions to this. These exceptions are few and far between, but they do exist.
You: So, What are these exceptions, Girl? Me: I’m so glad you asked
Well, first let me say that reading signs and signals do not pertain to men that you already involved with. Because the only time that a man may hesitate to approach you or insinuate moving to the next level would be because of fear. And trust a man that has already slept with you or dated you for five years is not afraid to ask you to be his girlfriend – or his wife – or his Baby Momma. So you can just ‘X’ that idea that a man hasn’t asked you to marry him or be his one and only because he’s afraid of commitment out of your mind. Because if a man really wants you, he’s coming to get you. And that’s just the way it is. So when I talk about reading signs and signals I’m talking about a man that is on the brink of starting something new with you. For example, maybe he talks to you all the time in your college class – he smiles and engages in conversation with you but he hasn’t asked you for your number yet. Or maybe he cracks jokes and flirts with you in meetings, but he has yet to ask you out to lunch. In these such scenarios, you just might have a guy that does indeed like you, but is really afraid to admit it.
Sometimes, when men are really intimidated by a woman – when a man’s fear of rejection outweighs his desire for you, he won’t formally pursue you. He won’t ask you out on a date, and he won’t ask you for your number because he’d rather stay comfortable in the space that you two have now – the place where his ego is perfectly in tact – than ruin it by asking you out and having you say no. He could be thinking about the awkwardness that would come after the letdown or the rejection. He could be thinking about the fact that ya’ll are too good of friends to screw it up by starting a relationship with you. He could just be really bad at dating and flirting. Who knows? In any case, it’s really not your job to find out. Don’t stress yourself out, girl. But here are some signs to let you know if he’s really feeling you but a little too afraid, uncomfortable or hard headed to admit it.
Me: I’m bout’ to spill the tea You:
- He’s always around you – When I first met my husband, he would lurk around me. Like clockwork – after every class and every church service, he would make his way over to me to spark up some kind of conversation. Now at first I thought it was sweet. But the more that he kept doing this without asking me for a call to action as in: my phone number, a date, or something where we could take our relationship out of the four walls of the church and into the real world, I became frustrated. When I ask him about this now and why he waited so long to ask me out, he said that it was because he didn’t know if I liked him or not and that he was trying to feel me out first. So, I got frustrated, put him on the spot and told him that if he wasn’t going to ask me out then he needed to stop taking up so much of my time. (I know I was wrong. Don’t do what I did). If you have a ‘lurker’ (that’s what I call them) then your best bet is to just go on with your life as if he is just an associate that talks to you from time to time at your church, your workplace, in your neighborhood or wherever the two of you have your small talk – because that is exactly what he is – an associate. Nothing more and nothing less. It is not healthy or fair to you to just stop all of your other potential dates or love interests because he can’t overcome his fears. As you go on with your life, and make it painfully clear that you are not waiting on him to get it together, he’ll get the hint and he will either stay in his fears and keep silent, or step up to the plate and finally ask you out.
- He’s Nervous Around You – Most men get nervous when they’re talking to someone they like. When my husband would ‘lurk’ around me, he would immediately start saying random things – like he’d be talking about a football game and then switch the conversation to a rubber duck in the same sentence. I thought it was hilarious. This is what made me like him. Til’ this day, he still does this when he’s nervous – whether it be for a job interview or in any other nervous situation. If a man is nervous around you he’ll have his own special way of showing it. It could be him playing with his hands, random speech like my husband did, or maybe awkward moments, but whatever they are – you’ll be able to tell. It will be obvious.
- His Friends Know You – Contrary to popular belief, men do talk just as much to their guy friends as we, women, talk to our girlfriends. Just like you’re spilling the tea to your girls, best believe he’s letting his friends know about you if he’s really feeling you like that. Or perhaps, his friends have figured it out on their own. So, if this man has talked to his friends about you, you’ll be able to tell by the way they act when you and your potential boo thang are together. It will probably look something like his friends hurdling up together, snickering like children to see what’s going to happen between the two of you. They’ll be watching you and your crush like a movie. Why? Because that man has been driving them crazy talking about you. So, open up your eyes and pay attention to how his friends are acting when you come around.
- Teasing – This is actually pretty common. It’s human nature to tease people that we feel comfortable around. Think of all of the people you tease: your best friend, your siblings… We tease these people because there is a comfort level there. These people provide a sense of comfort for us and a special place where we can be ourselves. So if this man is teasing you in a cute manner that means that he likes you enough and feels comfortable enough to be himself around you and let you in on his personal style of humor. That’s a good thing. Just make sure it isn’t full blown teasing. The teasing should be light and fun, and it should strengthen the bond between you and this man – not take away from it. If it does all that, there’s a pretty good chance he’s feeling you.
Even with all of these signs and signals, there’s nothing like the real thing. So still – do not assume anything, and do not put your life or love life on hold for a signal. If that man really likes you, he’ll let you know. But until then, pay attention to the signs.
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