The Day My Marriage Changed Forever

I remember a conversation that me and my husband had on the telephone after we had only been married for a little over a month.  He had gone back home to D.C. for work, and I was still in Alaska serving in the military.  We had just had our first official argument, and to be honest, I was caught off guard about it.  I mean, in my mind he was this perfect person that I had married who had no flaws, no imperfections and was amazing in every way.  So to see that the reality was that he was just a man just like I was just a woman was a new concept to me.944324_788735751258209_7041927161923673020_n

I remember telling him these exact words when we made up over the telephone.  I remember saying, “I just had you up on this pedestal in my mind.  Because in my mind, I wasn’t expecting for you to disappoint me.  In my mind you are this superman that can do no wrong that is standing on this rooftop.”  And with the most convicted voice – my husband responded, “Well please Crystal…take me off of that rooftop.  I’m just a person just like you.  I’m not perfect.  I’m going to disappoint you.  I will try my best to make you happy, but sometimes I’ll fail because I’m just a person.”

At that moment, the biggest ‘Aha’ moment went off in my head, and if I’m honest, I have been getting more and more comfortable with that ‘aha’ moment throughout the duration of our marriage.

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Since that day, I have learned that my husband is not perfect just like I’m not.  And instead of asking him to be – or expecting him to be – I make sure that everyday I work toward leaving room for grace in our marriage.  I make sure that I let him know verbally and non verbally that he has a home and a space here with our children where even if he fails he is welcome and loved and celebrated.

To me that’s what love is –  and family is.  And while I believe that it is both of our responsibilities to strive to please the other while working together as a team to evolve to the highest versions of ourselves, I always make room for us both to be human.

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I am so thankful that my husband taught me that gift.  I am so grateful that my husband taught me how to love.  To me, that is the most beautiful thing about marriage – that if you let it, it will be the best teacher that you can have in life.  I thank my husband for teaching me, and I thank my children for teaching me – that love is a choice – and that love is grace.  Love is freedom – and love is making room.  It is knowing that your partner knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that even when they are unpleasant, or inferior, lost, or 50 shades of wrong, annoying, appalling, a sinner, or imperfect, or human that I will still love them.

And I may show that love in my honesty, my forgiveness, or by challenging them to be greater better and wiser – or with kindness and grace, but it will always be with love nonetheless.  It is my job to let my husband know that he is safe with me – to be him – and Troy Michael Little Sr., you are.  Happy Anniversary from your boo thang ❤

 

P.S. I will always choose to love you.

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