The Day My Marriage Changed Forever

I remember a conversation that me and my husband had on the telephone after we had only been married for a little over a month.  He had gone back home to D.C. for work, and I was still in Alaska serving in the military.  We had just had our first official argument, and to be honest, I was caught off guard about it.  I mean, in my mind he was this perfect person that I had married who had no flaws, no imperfections and was amazing in every way.  So to see that the reality was that he was just a man just like I was just a woman was a new concept to me.944324_788735751258209_7041927161923673020_n

I remember telling him these exact words when we made up over the telephone.  I remember saying, “I just had you up on this pedestal in my mind.  Because in my mind, I wasn’t expecting for you to disappoint me.  In my mind you are this superman that can do no wrong that is standing on this rooftop.”  And with the most convicted voice – my husband responded, “Well please Crystal…take me off of that rooftop.  I’m just a person just like you.  I’m not perfect.  I’m going to disappoint you.  I will try my best to make you happy, but sometimes I’ll fail because I’m just a person.”

At that moment, the biggest ‘Aha’ moment went off in my head, and if I’m honest, I have been getting more and more comfortable with that ‘aha’ moment throughout the duration of our marriage.


Since that day, I have learned that my husband is not perfect just like I’m not.  And instead of asking him to be – or expecting him to be – I make sure that everyday I work toward leaving room for grace in our marriage.  I make sure that I let him know verbally and non verbally that he has a home and a space here with our children where even if he fails he is welcome and loved and celebrated.

To me that’s what love is –  and family is.  And while I believe that it is both of our responsibilities to strive to please the other while working together as a team to evolve to the highest versions of ourselves, I always make room for us both to be human.


I am so thankful that my husband taught me that gift.  I am so grateful that my husband taught me how to love.  To me, that is the most beautiful thing about marriage – that if you let it, it will be the best teacher that you can have in life.  I thank my husband for teaching me, and I thank my children for teaching me – that love is a choice – and that love is grace.  Love is freedom – and love is making room.  It is knowing that your partner knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that even when they are unpleasant, or inferior, lost, or 50 shades of wrong, annoying, appalling, a sinner, or imperfect, or human that I will still love them.

And I may show that love in my honesty, my forgiveness, or by challenging them to be greater better and wiser – or with kindness and grace, but it will always be with love nonetheless.  It is my job to let my husband know that he is safe with me – to be him – and Troy Michael Little Sr., you are.  Happy Anniversary from your boo thang ❤


P.S. I will always choose to love you.


Is it Impossible to find LOVE in the ATL? Plus 5 Ways to Stand Out from the Crowd of 80,000 Single Women

Atlanta.  Georgia.  Home of the fried chicken, catfish and the Atlanta Braves.  Did you know that there are 80,000 times more women than men in Atlanta?  And did you also know that Atlanta is known as the official “home of the thick girl”?  Now with these stats, it is no wonder why it is practically impossible to find a good man who is looking for love and a serious relationship in the same way that you are.  But even with all of the odds stacked up against you, I have found some tips to help you stand out among the unfavorable odds.  I got you girl. (wink*)black-couple-on-date

So, here are the top 5 ways that you can stand out in the dating ring in Atlanta:

  1.  Stand Out! – Now when I say stand out in Atlanta, what I really mean is reel it back in.  Huh?  You’re confused?  Okay, let me break it down for you.  Most women in Atlanta look almost the same.  Because Atlanta is the weave capital of the world, you can find your average woman between the ages of 26-45 sporting a fierce bundle weave piece on her head with flawless makeup, her edges laid and a Michael Kors bag on her arm.  Cmon\.  You know it’s true.  But when I say reel it in, the truth is that most men who are attracted to that kind of woman is a man that is looking for a trophy.  Someone who just looks good but he’ll never take home.  You have to remember that whatever energy you put out in your intentions is what kind of man you will attract.  So if you put out there material assets – then you will get a man looking for a material girl, and not a woman that he can love for her heart.  So trust me when I say that less is more.  Dim down the flash and turn up your unique beauty and the real you.  Because that’s what the quality men are looking for.
  2. Don’t be afraid to venture away from the crowd – So what everybody in the ‘A’ likes Gucci Mane!  You think he sucks, own it!  Men respect women who have their own thoughts, likes and dislikes.  And honestly speaking the realness and allowing your individuality to show is a breath of fresh air to most.  And most importantly, your true self is a breath of fresh air to the right guy.  But if you keep hiding behind those perfect brows and those lashes, that real guy will never know who you really are.  So venture off.  Do something wild, and explore who you are at the core of you.
  3. Don’t tolerate the BS – I know that this can be tempting considering that the majority of men in Atlanta show minimal effort on dates because they have their pick of the litter – but seriously, speak up.  You don’t have to take that.  If you’re out on a date and he’s being rude to the waiter, speak up.  If he fails to open up a door, wait until he comes to his senses and opens it for you.  If he has an ounce of morality he will step up his game to please you once he sees that his antics aren’t working.  And also, you will stand out from the millions of other women that tolerate his foul BS because they are so afraid that they’ll lose the one man that they were able to catch in the big city.  That may be them, but that’s not you.  Because you are not afraid of not getting his approval.  You approve of yourself – or at least you should.  And to add on to that, intolerance of BS shows that you respect yourself, and in turn communicates the idea that he should too.  And before you know it he’ll be thinking about you because you won’t be like “every other girl” – which is exactly what you’re going for.
  4. No Netflix and Chill – No no no no no!  Sometimes women get this wrong.  They often figure that when the competition is fierce that they must compete by increasing their quantity.  But it’s about quality when it comes to love and relationships.  Men only value quality women.  Don’t believe me?  Think of the women they worship – their Mommas, their sisters, their granny.  And I bet you that none of their edges have been laid 100% of the time.  So when it comes to dates, don’t let him off so easy.  Make him respect you.  If he offers Netflix for a date, tell him that’s not a date.  And if he can’t catch the hint, then deny his invitation altogether.  Dating is not about how many prospective partners you can rack up.  It is about weeding out the real from the fake and keeping the quality that’s left over.
  5. Be kind – Notice I didn’t say nice.  The average woman in Atlanta is nice.  Meaning – they overcompensate and kiss the ground men walk on because they are so few and far between to come by.  However, kindness comes from the heart.  It is when you meet men with an honesty and a genuine nature about you that doesn’t put them up on a pedestal but doesn’t demean them either.  When men see a kind and beautiful woman they are stopped in their tracks.  They can’t believe it!  It is like finding a 100 dollar bill on the ground and nobody’s around to claim it.  So if you’re kind, you can best believe you’re getting claimed.  It is such a rarity to come by.

Hope these tips helped.  If so, share it out to a girlfriend who could use this.  Now get out there and get your Boo…Boo!