Today I slept for two hours when I was supposed to go out for a birthday brunch with my friend. Tomorrow’s my birthday if you didn’t know – August the 7th. I’ll be turning 33 years old but it feels like any other day to me. To be honest I want to go out and enjoy life – celebrate the fact that I’ve been given another year to live on this Earth, but my sadness won’t let me. It’s now been four months since I’ve been separated from my husband that is overseas and serving in the United States Army, and it really sucks.
Most days I try to count my blessings, as a matter of fact I have made it a ritual that I do every morning. Each morning before I start my day, I sit up in my bed and literally say out loud everything that I am thankful for. It usually sounds a little something like this: Thank you God for waking me up to see another day. I thank you for the air in my body. I thank you for my beautiful and healthy children. I thank you for the friends in my life. I thank you for a house to live in – a car to drive, and a husband that loves me. Doing this ritual every day keeps me in a positive and appreciative frame of mind. But today I couldn’t fake it. I woke up, and I felt like crap – like I had no energy in my body to get up and even do the normal things – like finishing my daughter’s hair for school, or chasing my son around the house with a pull up begging him to let me change him. I just didn’t have it in me, but life still kept going. I still had things to do.
I miss my husband so much. He’s not just a man to me, he’s my best friend and one of the only people in the world that truly gets me and understands me, and I’m grateful for that. I think the hardest thing about this whole thing is that I have no idea the next time that I will see him again. That is a heavy burden to carry. Too heavy sometimes. So today, I let myself be sad. I didn’t get up and fake it, I just let myself be. And I am thankful that I have people in my life that don’t try to force me to fake it. I am thankful that I have people in my life that let me fall down but don’t let me stay there. These people don’t judge me, or talk about me – they are simply just there for me every step of the way.
These people are my two children, my husband, my friends that seemed like they fell straight from heaven – and the most important one of all, God. God never forces me to be anywhere that I’m not ready to be. God allows me to live and learn from my mistakes in my own timing. Letting someone be is a huge aspect of love in my opinion, because when you let someone be you are essentially saying that, It is okay to be you and do what feels right for you at that moment and I won’t judge you for that.
So anyways, today was a hard day but I believe that tomorrow will be better. I mean, how can it not? I’m 33 for Christ’s sake, and I feel so thankful to be here.
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